The planets are aligned and I feel maligned

Bright lights, big city..okay okay small city. But who's asking?

All my astrological "stuff" says I'm due for a big romance. To meet that fabulous one. He's going to come down from the heavens and finally prove that there is someone as kookie and nuts as me. Or at least find my kookie and eccentric sweet self absolutely irresistible lol

Then I got to thinking as I am apt to do on occasion. How the hell is this man going to find me? The only times I go out are to work, to the grocery, or to the park with the kids. Well I only worked one day last week. The weather dictates no trips to the park. Okay yeh I went to the grocery this week but I got a lift there by my Mother! FFS!!! Who the hell is going to approach this funky 40(ish) yr old when she's with her Mommy?

I know, I know you're thinking I have only got myself to blame. You're right. But you know I have zero desire to start hanging out in bars. Although I did take myself out for coffee this week. It turned out to be a futile exercise. Only making me feel more isolated from the rest of the world. There are actually a couple of cool, eccentric little coffee shops in the city. That I could happily go to alone. I travelled the world just me myself and I. So it's not a new concept.

You see I just get this massive attack of self deprecation and tell myself why bother.

Off home I go to kids, my own coffee and my trusty p.c. All of which I adore of course.

The haves and have nots

Okay....why is it whenever I meet a damn fabulous man he tends to have baggage.

We can talk the night away..agree and agree and be in wonder of one another. Totally connected. But always always there is an issue. Distance, orientation, circumstance, up to and including being married.

I would never intend to become emotionally involved with a married man. I have suffered infidelity in my own marriage. I could never intentionally try to take a man from a perfectly wonderful woman.

But every once in awhile I meet these great men. Who say they are totally in a happy marriage. Then after some time it comes out that they are not living a whole life. That they have so much of who they are buried because it would not be to their partners liking.

I empower them. Make them see that what they have to suppress, up to including actually feeling shame over is totally okay. It's okay to have desires and needs. And why the hell would anyone not be able to share it with the person they have chosen to spend their life with? That THAT boggles my mind.

How can someone say they are happily in a partnership with someone of they have to suppress parts of themselves that are so damn significant!?

Well...I have a very open mind. I don't judge. I have lived. Lived large, compared to your average person I suppose.

I wish I could find one of these men who have so much of themselves to explore that is not attached damn it!

Where is that man? He's wasting precious moments of a life most blessed.

Money, career, a living situation. None of this is as valuable as having a full emotional life. Spiritual riches are so much more. Make you feel more valid in yourself. Fulfilled.

I want to be rich, beyond measure. I want to share my riches with someone...and honey...those riches can't be deposited in a fucking bank.